The shakuhachi and the profane
A joke from Zokudan kotoshi-banashi 俗談今歳花時 ("A bouquet of tales fresh from the streets", maybe):
「折角おまねき申ても、あんまり何にも御あいそもなひ事、しかし一ッの御馳走は、私女房が曲屁を少々ひりますから」
客「コレハ一段の御馳走忝、然ば一曲」
女房「スッ、ポン」
客「コレハ何でござりまするな」
女房「あれは後藤目貫の鉄砲の段」
客「ハ丶アコレハとんだ当り/\」
女房「次は忠臣蔵の九段目」
尺八の音
「ブウブウ」
客、あまりくさく
「御無用」
"We're so glad you could come, but we don't have much to offer — just one thing; my wife plays wind a little."
GUEST "Well, what a treat! May I request an air?"
WIFE: (Sup-pon)
GUEST: "My, and what was that?"
WIFE: "That was Gotō Matabei firing the cannon in Ōmi Genji."
GUEST: "Ha, ha! A very palpable hit!"
WIFE: "Now here's the ninth act of the Chūshingura, where Kakogawa Honzō appears disguised as a komusō."
SOUND OF SHAKUHACHI
(Poot-poot)
GUEST, UNABLE TO ENDURE SMELL: "I gave at the office!"
The punchline doesn't work very well in translation, so let me explain it (because that always helps). Komusō were shakuhachi-playing monks who lived on alms. Their usual begging technique was to stand at the front gate of a likely-looking residence and play until someone came out and coughed up. Go-muyō 御無用 was the set phrase for declining to give the komusō anything. It means, more or less, "You don't have to be so kind as to play that shakuhachi for us." (Regular beggars just got tōrasshai, "Move along, please.")
So the joke here is that the guest is responding to the wife's odorous person-impersonating-a-komusō impression by using the phrase you would normally employ to get a komusō to go away. My problem as a translator here was finding a natural way to render this concept in English. "Not today, thanks" or similar seemed too general: you need something specifically directed at beggars, or at least buskers.
Ultimately, I failed to think of something good before my allotted blogging time ran out, and so I played it for anachronistic laughs instead — the last refuge of a scoundrel.
c:
How about, "Too rich for me!"