Two monologues that have recently been delivered to me by Japanese people because I am foreign

  1. "But you! You don't turn away and ignore me. You don't understand what I'm saying, but at least you listen to it! Because I want to look this way! I got up this morning and dressed like an idiot on purpose! But all of these damn Japanese people, they just ignore me. They don't have any love in their heart! They don't understand that I look this way on purpose! That's what's wrong with Japan today."
  2. "Australian? You're Australian?! Oh, man, it's my lucky day! For sure! I bet on Australia in the World Cup match against Japan, you know that? I did! And now I know they're gonna win! Wow, talk about luck!"

The first guy didn't look that funny. His baseball cap clashed vigorously his pants, but that was the extent of the problem as far as I could see.

Popularity factor: 5


So you get returnees trying to praactice their "Aussie slang" with you?


Hey, Matt. I'm, uhh... I'll be in Japan (Tokyo) for the next fourty-five days. And my grandparents (with whom I'm staying) don't have a computer (let alone internet). Any suggestions on internet cafés or similar places?


Drunk old men, weren't they? Never hot, lithe, slightly-drunk women, is it? Perfectly understandable but nevertheless eternally disappointing when yet another drunk dude approaches.


Amida: Yeah, but unfortunately I don't really speak it myself. Saying "g'day" or "you ripper" feels more unnatural to me than faking a Southern drawl or something.

Eric: In Tokyo they're all over! You can find a few near pretty much any of the big stations on the Yamanote line. I like Manboo! because they're shamelessly ripping off Yahoo!'s image. I don't recommend the booth seats though because they have been used for purposes people felt it necessary to get a booth seat for.

Justin: Yeah, hot, lithe, slightly-drunk women don't need to start conversations with strangers. The strangers come to them. (These guys weren't so old though.)


Ah, but don't underestimate the amusement value of sweaty bloated blotto bappas.

(Justin, probably needn't add that I'm thinking it's perspiration pheromone-related, right?)

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